THE SOLARIUM

Ten words: The absolute peak of the series, argue with the wall.

Or more: It’s been a while since I’ve posted one of these, so let’s take a moment to recap all the times I somehow managed to make my previous Artemis Fowl reviews about The Lost Colony.

Compare this to The Lost Colony, where every location change heightens the tension. There’s the eerie first encounter in Barcelona, the emerging war of wits between Artemis and Minerva in Italy, the siege of Chateau Paradizo in France, the hostage negotiation in Taipei 101, and literal hell breaking loose in Limbo when an army of demons attacks while time collapses.

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 Artemis and Holly reluctantly coming to respect one another is great, and it lays the foundation for their friendship moving forward. We had to have this book to get to ones like The Lost Colony.

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Now might be a good time to mention that, when I first read the series, I didn’t know it was a series. I saw The Lost Colony on its own, and since all the other Artemis Fowl books at my school library were checked out at the time, I assumed it was a standalone book.

Solaris Reviews ARTEMIS FOWL: THE ARCTIC INCIDENT in Ten Words or More

If I hadn’t read Lost Colony first, Butler almost dying at the start would’ve devastated child-me. 

Solaris Reviews ARTEMIS FOWL: THE ETERNITY CODE in Ten Words or More

Then again, I might be judging this book too harshly because I know what comes next, and, in my opinion, there’s not a single Artemis Fowl book with a more climactic ending than The Lost Colony. 

Solaris Reviews ARTEMIS FOWL: THE OPAL DECEPTION in Ten Words or More

So you could say I’m a bit of a fan of this one. This book is as brilliant as Artemis himself, and I only appreciate it more every time I read it.

I’m willing to admit some nostalgia bias here. There’s a chance that, because I read this one first, fifth-grade me imprinted on it harder than the rest of the series, and that’s why every. Single. SCENE. hits like a brick.

The stakes feel higher, the danger more real, the magic more mystical, mysterious, and powerful than in any other book. The epic climax is thrillingly apocalyptic–arguably more so than the series finale, which features a literal end-of-the-world scenario.

The Lost Colony brings the series’ fantasy elements to new heights. Yes, all the books have magic, but, for the most part, the fairies we interact with rely more on tech than their innate powers.

Aside from shielding, mesmer, and incredibly convenient healing abilities that save Butler from cardiac arrest in a solid 30% of these books, fantasy often takes a backseat to science fiction. That isn’t a bad thing–it’s part of what makes the series stand out–but it does mean that the fairies don’t feel particularly otherworldly.

The demons, though? They’re not even part of our dimension. They’re mostrous, menacing, and thoroughly inhuman

Even the most gung-ho fairy cops in Book One weren’t willing to kill Artemis except as an absolute last resort. Even Opal Koboi (at this point in the series) is more interested in ruling over others than massacring them, with the exception of her bitterest enemies. Demons are different.

Demons are out for blood.

Not only are they by far the most physically intimidating, violent fairy species (not sure if trolls count as fairies proper, but even if they do, I’d say demons are stronger overall due to their more advanced intelligence), but demon warlocks are the most powerful magic users by a staggering margin.

If a class in a video game had stats this broken, there would probably be an angry mob outside the developer’s house.

I love the demons so much. They’re a refreshingly visceral threat compared to the scheming career fairies and capitalists we’ve had in past books. Their society is also radically different from our own, more so than New Haven, which makes it interesting to explore.

I also adore No1. His pure-hearted desire for connection with others, sheer joy at acquiring new words, and blossoming courage as he comes into his powers make him an incredibly endearing addition to the cast.

That said, he’s also a snarky little brat, especially in his earlier chapters, which makes him a lot of fun. He absolutely joins Juliet in the “characters I wish we saw more of” club.

Speaking of new characters, remember Minerva Paradizo? Eoin Colfer certainly didn’t when writing The Time Paradox, or The Atlantis Complex, or–

Honestly, though, I can’t say I’m mad about it.

Minerva, by design, is basically Artemis but worse. She’s Artemis if he was never forced to venture outside his bubble of wealth, privilege, and intellect where everything goes his way. She’s Artemis if he was never challenged, never forced to truly cooperate with others.

She’s Artemis without most of the complexity or character development that makes him interesting.That makes her a decent foil and it shows the reader how far Artemis has come, but it doesn’t make her a particularly enjoyable character in her own right.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m just mad because I didn’t get her quark joke the first million times I read this book.

Also, come on. I know she’s twelve, but every time I get to that scene of her baiting Billy Kong in Taipei 101, I just want to grab her by the shoulders and shake her.

If there was any doubt that Butler is a better person than I could ever hope to be, the fact that he stays in touch with and befriends her instead of snapping her neck then and there proves it.

Maybe if Minerva stuck around in the later books and we got to see her develop and mature, like Artemis, I’d have a better opinion of her. Unfortunately, we see the lessons, but not what she learns from them, which leaves readers with a very unflattering final impression of her.

Billy Kong, though . . .

He’s more demonic than the demons, a truly unhinged antagonist driven by fear, desperation, and love twisted beyond recognition by violence. As far as villains go, I might honestly prefer him to Opal.

Yes, Opal is iconic and a ton of fun, but her motivations aren’t all that compelling. We’ve got narcissism, greed . . . oh, and daddy issues, I guess. Since we never get so much as a flashback of her really interacting with her father, that part of her story never held much weight for me.

However, we see Billy’s relationship with his brother from the eyes of a frightened innocent, a hardened killer, and a man utterly broken by what he believes to be the truth. Billy’s relationship with Eric mean something to the story in a way Opal’s “daddy issues” don’t.

This is one of the most gripping and intense of the Artemis Fowl books, and it’s also one of the funniest. Mulch’s bickering with Doodah Day are hilarious, Artemis going through puberty is a comedic goldmine, and Abbott manipulating his fellow demons through a religion centered around a Jane Austen knockoff lends itself to some great humor.

This book truly fires on all cylinders, giving readers everything they’ve come to love and expect in an Artemis Fowl book and bringing it to a new level. In fact, it’s so good, it kind of makes the remainder of the series feel flat and unnecessary by comparison.

Artemis’s character arc is complete (again) which leaves the series spinning its wheels for the next couple entries. The Time Paradox and The Atlantis Complex are both fundamentally smaller stories, enjoyable as they are, and even The Last Guardian feels like a letdown.

This was the first Artemis Fowl book I read, and, as much as I love The Atlantis Complex, I wouldn’t have been mad if it was the last.